HELLO SQUIRRELS (that’s you, by the way)!!! I’ve been watching a fair bit of Hey Duggee recently, he’s a big cartoon dog that says “woof” a lot and calls things squirrels, that are not squirrels. Sorry, I should have given a spoiler alert. It’s better than Peppa Pig if you ask me, I suggest you check it out (kids or no kids). Bluey is also a good cartoon (also contains dogs). I’m learning a lot about how to be a parent from the Bluey’s Dad, unlike Daddy Pig who’s an incompetent buffoon. Perhaps it’s why Boris Johnson is such a fan of Peppa Pig.
Hey Duggee is narrated by Alexander Armstrong (from Pointless and Classic FM). Occasionally I tune in to Classic FM in the car, in the hope it will help me feel more relaxed or intelligent. I’m not sure it does either to be honest. I heard his voice on the radio and half expected him to say “Isn’t it time for… Duggee!!!!”, but instead I had to endure a piece from Beethoven (the German composer, not the 1992 classic film about the very big dog).
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As I went to put Max down in his cot this week, Helena made the point ‘I’m worried Max is going to get a flat head if he lies down too much.’
‘Is that a thing?’ I said. It sounded like a theory a flat-earther or anti-vaxxer would come up with.
‘It is a thing. Their young heads are so malleable at this age.’
I wasn’t becoming a conspiracy theorist, but I picked up Max and felt the back of his head, just to be sure his head was still round. It was. I haven’t put him down since.
The only thing on the back of his head are dreadlocks (we do wash him regularly!). Yep, less than 3 months old and he’s already managed it. In my teenage years I stopped washing my hair one summer so I could develop/nurture/amass dreadlocks, but they failed to materialise. I thought that hair started self-cleaning after a while, in much the same way that dogs’ hair self-cleans, but they still have a certain whiff about them. Do wet dreadlocks smell as bad as wet dogs I wonder?
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I’ve moved on from watching age inappropriate TV with Max. Goodbye Squid Game, Hello Jamie Oliver. ‘Put it in there, Big Boy!’ Jamie says, (I assure you it’s age appropriate). This is Jamie getting help from his son in the kitchen. Jamie calls him “Big Boy” at least 3 times in one shot. I started to think that was actually his son’s name. He’s only 11 years old and not even that big.
Jamie’s kids’ names are as follows (take a deep breath): Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Buddy Bear Maurice, River Rocket. Slot in “Big Boy” after Buddy and no-one would bat an eyelid.
Jamie is the 2nd biggest selling author in the UK, after J.K. Rowling, and Helena will tell you that I’m largely responsible for this. That is until she found out there are 24 Jamie cookbooks, and I only have half of them. I tailed off buying the books at “15-minute meals”, after a recipe took me 42 minutes to finish and the kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it. It might be a 15-minute meal if you have a sous-chef, a pot washer and have worked as a full-time chef for the past 20 years. “Jamie’s 42-minute meals” doesn’t have the same ring to it, but at least it’s honest. Jamie, you must be running out of ideas, so have that one on me for next year’s book. Happy Christmas.